So, thereabouts a week ago I was on Twitter and someone I follow made a quip about Matt Damon.  Roxane Gay (@rgay…check her out, buy her books, read her comics, buy her a baby elephant) said that someone close to him might want to tell him to be quiet. He’d been offering his “opinions” on the whole Weinstein/Franken/everyone you know harassment scandals.  If you don’t what he said, you can Google. (Go now, I’ll wait)  Needless to say, his opinions are shit, and pretty much universally seen as such.  Dr. Gay’s admonishment, if you can even call it that, was pretty darn mild.  Oh…dear…god…the shitstorm.

Now, besides the VERY obvious racist reaction to a woman of color daring to comment on a white man’s behavior, there were a couple other things that made me twitchy.  The first being people accusing Dr. Gay of wanting to silence Matt Damon.  “Freedom of Speech!”  Why, hasn’t he a right to voice his opinions? Isn’t this America??  How dare anyone suggest that someone else at some point maybe tell him to be quiet!! He has rights too!!  On and on and the shit don’t stop till the break of dawn.   Many, many Americans have no idea what Freedom of Speech even means.  It basically means the government can’t silence you because they disagree with you.  Does it mean you get to say whatever you want, whenever you want?  Try it out for yourself.  Go to work tomorrow and tell your boss how incompetent you think he is. You have a right!  Guess what?  He has a right to fire your ass.  You have a right to speak…the world has the right to react.  Sure, go buy a tiki torch at the dollar store and have a “let’s pretend it’s not homoerotic” fireside march with your alt right bros.   You have the right!  The company you work for has the right to fire you for being a racist pinworm. I have the right to laugh my ass off when that happens. Rights are fun!!

So, besides my ongoing pet peeve about the First Amendment (grrrrrrrrr) was something else that really kind of stuck with me.  The was a vocal couple of men who felt that “both sides” weren’t being told.  That we needed to have a conversation about the issues Damon was talking about.  That the “movement” was stifling dissent, comments, and feedback.  Obviously, a secret cabal, led by a writer not near as well known as Matt Damon was planning on silencing men! Men! Fight for your rights to speak! Protect yourselves from the Feminazi hordes. Build a bunker!

No one is silencing men. Seeing as they have the dominant voice in the culture, that’s not even a reality <wistful sigh>.  However, there are not “two sides” to the question of harassment and sexual assault.  There’s no conversation we need to have. It’s very simple. You either treat people with dignity and respect, or you don’t.  What do we need to talk about?  The reasons why you feel like you don’t need to do that?  Yes, dissent and explain why you are exempt from what should be decent standards of behavior.  Because it was only a joke?  Because, even though she works for you, she looked hot in that sweater and you thought you had a shot?  Because you can ruin her career? Because she’s dressed like a “slut”? Because she’s drunk? Because no one’s going to believe her?  We don’t need to talk about this.There are no excuses. There is only one side…decency. Sit down and shut the fuck up.

This easy to fix.  Treat everyone with dignity and respect.  There’s a word in Hinduism I’m sure we’ve all heard or seen on yoga pants.  Namaste.  In fact, it’s almost become a joke it’s so ubiquitous in New Age communities.  It’s a greeting that means “I bow to the divine in you”.  It’s a basic acknowledgment of the divine spark that resides in each of us.  We’re all one.  You respect that inner light we all have, whether it’s housed in someone of a different race, gender, orientation…it doesn’t matter.  Now, I want you to be quiet, sit in your chair and think about that.

 

PS  if Roxane Gay is planning on starting a feminist cabal, someone give her my name. k thnx