That’s me. Although that title’s pretty gay, it’s honestly something I never think about.  It’s a part of me, sure.  It’s always been a part of me though.  I’ve never been anything else.  I spend as much time thinking about it as I do thinking about my eye color.  I’ve been extremely blessed in that most of the people in my world don’t have any issue with it.  I’ve been accepted without any prejudice and with nothing but love.  This is who I am and for the most part they’ve never judged me.

Couple of things make me think about it a little this week.  One, I was purposely misgendered.  I’m almost 6 feet tall and not exactly a delicate woman. On the “butch/femme” spectrum I definitely fall on the butch side. I’m obviously a woman but dress in more masculine style.  I wear my hair longish so that’s ambiguous.  Anyone who hears my voice, however, is going to know I’m not a man. People sometimes don’t look at me directly and will call me Sir.  Not a big deal and I normally won’t correct them.  When they get a better look at me I get a sheepish apology and I usually laugh it off.  Not a big deal.

I was grocery shopping the other day and was checking out. The older lady running the register looked right at me and asked, ” Did you find everything you were looking for, Sir?”  I replied in my obvious girlish voice.  I caught her looking me up and down as she rang me out. I was dressed in casual attire. There is NO way I am not a woman, I have a rather…uhhh..ample chest which is  obvious.  As I was leaving she said, “Have a nice day, Sir.”   This has happened a couple of times in my life, once while the person was looking at my nametag on my substantial chest that said JENNIFER.  I don’t understand why anyone would purposely do this.  Yes, I’m butch. Maybe obviously gay ( I think so anyway)  but I am not a man. I don’t want to be a man.  Is it some sort of gender policing?  Why would some old battleaxe care if I wear a men’s shirt? I don’t get it.

I am also puzzled by the people I work with who seem to think I’m straight.  I mentioned above that I’m pretty butch.  I also mention my girlfriend in passing. I’ve also used the term ex-wife, although I usually just say ex.  I’m not the type who feels the need to broadcast my sexual orientation, but I am not shy.  Like I said, it’s a part of me so I talk about it like it’s nothing special. I think I’m obvious, just see me walk… you’ll know. I live alone with a cat. I drive a fucking SUBARU.  Half of the people I work with think I’m straight. Am I not wearing enough flannel???  (Actual picture of shirt I wore to work today)

I generally think the default is heterosexuality and you’re straight until proven otherwise.  I don’t a have a rainbow colored Mohawk (hmmm) but I think I look pretty damn gay.  A few people have asked me about my husband/boyfriend and I’ve gently mentioned I have a girlfriend.  No issues at all, and I don’t expect there to be. Why do I even care?  Because it’s who I am. It’s who I’ve always been. It’s an intrinsic part of my nature. As I get older I’m trying to live honestly and authentically. I wouldn’t want anyone getting my eye color wrong either. They’re brown btw. 🙂