Rich women wearing black. Symbolic of what exactly?  I get the new focus on sexual harassment and assault.  I’m a woman of the new media and you cannot escape what’s been happening. I saw all the #metoo tweets and read the accounts of Weinstein’s accusers. Suddenly we are all having a conversation about harassment and assault. Hollywood actresses raising money for the legal costs of victims of harassment. That’s admirable and I applaud them for putting their money where their mouths are. We’re suddenly talking about things that have been long hidden, only whispered about in boardrooms and ladies rooms.We’re having a watershed moment. Are we really though?

We continue to look at the behavior of men as individual actions.  Bad men doing bad things.  We’re making the assumption that harassers are an aberration.  It’s not.  I am exposed to what could be considered harassing behavior on the part of men EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sexually charged jokes or comments happen near constantly. This isn’t new. This has been true of every place I’ve worked my entire working life. It is common. It’s systemic. Many many women, like myself, find it what we have to put up with to pay our rent. A legal fund is nice but it’s not going to change anything for the majority of us.  This is especially true when you consider only 5% of harassment suits even make it to court.

 

Unless a man does something truly awful, no one cares.We measure harassment in degrees. Anything less than outright groping or blatant threats are ignored.  Women know it’s pointless to even mention it. Unless it considered by the other men in charge as egregious it’s ignored.  It’s a joke.  He doesn’t mean anything by it.  He was raised at a different time. He doesn’t know any better. He’s not going to change.  He thought he was being nice.  It’s a joke. He thought it was funny.  Look, I know funny. I’m fucking hilarious. This shit isn’t funny and I’m pissed that I’m expected to act like it is.

Unless someone whips their dick out at you or grabs your ass nothing’s happening. I have an old guy where I work who constantly “accidentally” brushes up against me when he walks by.  Every fucking time.  It’s an accident (whoopsie!) and he excuses himself when it happens. I can’t prove it’s not unintended.  I could complain but nothing would happen. He said, she said.  Oh and once you complain…you’re a troublemaker.  Suddenly everyone has to be careful around you. You’re a humorless bitch.  You’re trying to “get” this poor guy for an accident. He didn’t mean to and now you’re trying to get him in trouble.  Extra bitch points for me because I’m an obvious lesbian. Manhater!

I get it.  I get that we’ve all had enough.  We’ve all had enough forever.  I have been working my whole life.  I have seen workplace harassment training evolve over the years.  States have laws against it and mandatory training for managers. Everywhere I’ve worked has “zero tolerance” for sexual harassment. So, things are better now, right?  Not really. As rules and policies became tougher it just made the cost higher for women who report. You had better be very sure if you’re going to report something that’s going to cost a man his job. You are the woman in a workplace who got a well-liked manager fired.  Your life will be Hell. Forget about management retaliation, your peers are going to make your life miserable.  Nobody likes it when the someone rocks the apple cart and the men run all the apple carts.

Like I said this isn’t new.  It’s suddenly a big deal because it happened to famous people.  Rich mostly white ladies started talking about it.  The women with the most prestige and power were recounting their experiences.  It became a focus because of them.  I’m sorry for anyone who’s a victim of harassment. But for every Gwyneth Paltrow who got hit on by Weinstein, there are millions of women who aren’t as privileged as she who deal with this shit every day and have no recourse. We don’t have money saved in case we lose our jobs or need to leave them.  We have to pay our bills and so many of us are barely getting by as it is.  Doing anything to jeopardize our jobs just isn’t an option. Society needs to change. The misogyny inherent in a patriarchal system needs to change. Nothing is going to change for working-class women or women of color until it does. But thanks for wearing black.