Wow, I’ve been pretty cranky.  In fact, it seems like I can’t seem to access anything else but anger at this moment. Everything that’s going on today is just stoking the fire.  I’ve always prided myself on being someone who doesn’t stay mad for long.  I almost always regain my sunny disposition quickly. I haven’t been able to do that and it’s been out of character for me.  Someone I love gently pointed out to me that I seemed really pissed and asked what the deal was.  I respect this person…so I looked at that.

Now don’t get me wrong. All the problems in the world that have been pissing me off are still here.  There are so many things in the world that are harmful to so many people.  I burn to be able to change them and that hasn’t changed.  I fell into a trap though that a lot of well-meaning people do.  I developed moral outrage about the world and the conditions in it.  Now, I’m not one of those super enlightened beings who put no judgment on experience.  I understand that “good and bad” are subjective, however, I do feel that there is a division between what is beneficial to humanity and what is not.  What I lost sight of is the cause, and when I did that I lost my compassion.

What do I mean?  For example.  Many people who are abusive were themselves abused as children. This doesn’t excuse their behavior, but I can understand how it develops.  I can have compassion for the experience and not condone the behavior.  Racists are people. They’re people who are living their lives in fear.  Fear of loss…status, power, jobs, hell, their nation. Is any of that fear necessarily based in reality? Not really.  Does that make their fear any less terrifying to them? No. I can have compassion for their experience and their fear.  I can absolutely abhor their beliefs and actions.  There was no love to go with my anger.  My empathy tank was running on empty.

Empathy is not agreement.  People seem to think that if you understand someone’s experience that you’re accepting it.  I accept everyone’s experience as being valid to them. I cannot, however, accept or condone someone’s behavior that hurts humanity.  Feel bad for the conditions that led to someone’s negative actions.  Have compassion for the hate and abuse that becomes legacy in so many families.  Hold a space in your heart for the darkness we all inevitably carry. It’s passed down generation to generation like hair color or freckles.  Hate and fear are learned at the knees of our elders. It’s a black inheritance that so many cannot begin to transcend.  My heart breaks for anyone who’s twisted and damaged by hate.  My issue was that I was only recognizing one side of the equation.

Do I still want the world to change? Fuck yeah, I do.  Do I have any wiggle room in my acceptance of racism, classism, or sexual abuse/harassment? Absolutely not. I intend to go forward just as stridently as before.  I don’t feel any of those things have a place in an enlightened society. They’re harmful to humanity and need to be fought. That being said. I’m going to do my very best to continue to recognize the humanity of people I disagree with.  Our inherent humanness is the same…different experiences brought us to different places. I will still fight against the beliefs they hold with every fiber of my being.  I’ll just be doing my best to hold love and compassion for them as I do so.