Well, this whole Aziz Ansari thing has certainly been an eye-opener for me.  Let’s get one thing out of the way to start.  I have never dated men.  Yeah, I’ve made out with a couple while drunk but never been on dates or anything like that.  I’m just not heterosexual, not that there’s anything wrong with that.  So, I’ve watched this whole situation from a real outsiders perspective.  Let me tell you, it’s been a revelation.

The young lady who went out on a date with Ansari chronicled their evening.  It seems the entirety of the date was a constant push-pull between them.  He initiating and escalating sexual behavior while she tried to cool things off.  He seemed to either not be reading her verbal and nonverbal cues or not caring.  It was uncomfortable to read.  I haven’t ever been in a situation like that.  I at first read it as, well, that’s a fucking bad date but no big deal.

Until I started reading what other women who date men had to say.  This pushy and coercive sexual behavior is really really common.  It’s not exactly assaulting in the legal sense, but it’s skeevy as shit.  Not wanting sex doesn’t compute.  If they want to, you should!  No means maybe.  Let’s just chill means keep trying.  Unless you roll up a newspaper and smack them on the head and use a firm NO it doesn’t count.  Even then, quite a few men will keep trying.

I don’t get this.  Let’s forget about consent for a second and talk about desire.  Why would you want to have sex with someone who doesn’t want to?  If someone doesn’t want you…isn’t that a turn-off?  It is for me.  Sex is a mutual thing…two people (mostly, more if you’re adventurous)) engage in it. It’s like the woman is only there to service the guy’s needs.  They do know women like sex too, right?  Straight/bi ladies…Y’all need to be telling them this.  It was really kind of sad to read about women who have sex with their partners who don’t want to. “I’ll just lay there and let him so he’ll stop bugging me about it”  “It’s easier to just let him than get in a fight.”  That is just so heartbreaking.  How the fuck can men do that to women they supposedly love?  Buy a fucking Fleshlight if that’s all that matters to you.

Unfortunately, this has led to men thinking they have a right to sex.  That they have a right to your body.  It’s all about winning the prize.  I’m the first to admit that I do not understand this.  I don’t get how someone can discount someone’s feelings just to get what they want.  I don’t understand why someone would want to fuck someone who’s not into it.  Why don’t men see how dehumanizing that is?   I surely know that the male/female sexual dynamic is alien to me.  I do know, however, that consent and coercion are subjects not enough men and women talk about.  So, ladies…talk to your gents about this stuff.  Oh, and next time they want you to play slap and tickle when you’re not in the mood…give them some lotion and Kleenex.  They won’t die.