I read somewhere that the best advice you can get as a writer is to write every day.  Why that sounds like wonderful advice!  I’m trying to improve my rusty as fuck writing skills so this advice is especially cogent to me. That’s why I put out this fabulous blog no one reads.  Well, about 3 of you do on average.  I’m trying to be more comfortable and confident in my writing skills as college was a loooong time ago.  I haven’t really written much except stupid work stuff in years.  So writing every day is important. Problem is I don’t want to. Not today anyway.

No reason. Well, maybe.  I don’t know.  I don’t usually lack for an opinion or something to say.  Sometimes it’s just not that important to say it.  I’m also a lazy fucker.  I’m trying not to attach too much of a value judgment on that.  I think like a lot of people sticking to goals that are long-term or ambiguous is difficult.  I’m very much a here and now person (dammit Buddhism!) so this is a recurring issue for me. It’s also tied to a certain lack of self-esteem that runs in my family.

Now, if asked I think some of us would deny that.  But for a few exceptions, we’re all underachievers.  Laziness is sometimes the child of hopelessness.   I have some of the smartest people I know in my family.  Witty and charming and possessing knowledge that is simply amazing.  ( Ask my Dad any historical question)  There isn’t a single one of us that couldn’t have been a lawyer or a doctor…whatever.  None of us are.  Education wasn’t seen as all that important.  I don’t remember my parents ever really driving us to do homework.  I mean, don’t get me wrong, they were really proud when I went to college but it wasn’t a huge deal.We weren’t expected to excel.  I’m still not sure why that was, or where that came from.

It’s not like we’re rag pickers.  I’ve been in retail management for 25+ years.  My siblings both work and my Dad was a nurse.  Our underachievement is in direct proportion to what we could have been.  I didn’t finish college.  I had to pay for it myself so I was on the 7-year plan.  It’s so stupid, but I dropped out my senior year to work full time. I was just so very tired of not having money and working so hard for something that I felt was never going to happen.  Maybe a stronger person would have gutted it out, but that’s not me. Correction, that wasn’t me.  I have no doubt that I would make a different decision if I had to make it now.

That’s why I’m writing again, well, one of the reasons.  I’m planning on going back to school.  I’ve been accepted and a remarkable number of my credits transferred.  I just have to wait a few months for my employer’s tuition reimbursement to kick in so I can get help paying for it.  So, I’m practicing. I’m trying to write every day, even if only 3 people read it.  I’m never going to be a professional writer.  I just want to be able to write well enough to get by in school without too much trouble. I have no idea what I’m going to do with a degree or if I’ll go on and do more. Who knows?  I may write just about every day but I’m still too lazy to make plans.  🙂