I’m not very good at being sick.  I know, what’s to be good at?  Like everything else in life, there are all kinds of behaviors and actions around being ill that we learn.  If you’ve dated more than a few people think about how different they are at being sick.  Everyone has a way of being when they’re not feeling well that they’ve learned from their caregivers over the years.  I act differently then you do. Some people are more accepting of being sick or uncomfortable.  I am not one of those people.

For the most part, I want it over with quickly and I don’t want to talk about it.  I didn’t have a doting make you soup hold your hand kind of Mom.  Being sick was an inconvenience for her and you knew and felt that. You’d better be really sick too, she could see through a fake illness with laser beam precision.  Unless you were ejecting fluids or shooting out arterial blood, your ass was going to school too.   Taking care of your whiny ass was not at the top of her list of things to do.  You didn’t get any sympathy in my house if you were sick.

So, I’m a quiet cootie carrier. I try not to make a big deal out of it, make my own damn soup and get through it quickly. I’ve never really ever had anyone take care of me when I’ve been sick.  I’m not sure what that’s like, how do you act?  My assumption is that anyone who would do that would be resentful about it. I can’t imagine someone just being present for me with only love and care.  Wow, look at my baggage…how do I drag that around everywhere??

I live alone so right now I’m just going to be sick as I am.  Maybe someday I’ll have someone to take care of me when I’m sick and I’ll happily do the same for them. People say to set your intentions for things you want.  I may never have someone in my life to care for me when I’m sick.  I would like to see what that’s like though.  I want someone to love me enough to do that. I want to trust someone enough to not see ulterior motives or resentment on their part.  I want to be sick and hate it for the experience instead of the history attached to it. That’s my intention.