Month: January 2018

Oprah, Mein Fuhrer

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Hey kids, did you know Oprah’s a Nazi? How about the child sex ring run by Hillary Clinton? Did you hear about that one? She also had Clinton aid Vince Foster murdered because he “knew too much”.  Had you heard that vaccines cause autism?  Climate change?  Nope, not real.  It’s a hoax invented by the Chinese to hobble American greatness.  I’m sure you’ve heard about the “thousands and thousands” of Muslims who took to the streets to celebrate 9/11. I mean, we all saw that on the news.  I’m sure you’ve heard of some of this.  The one thing all of these facts have in common is they’re absolutely provably false.  This is fake news.

tabloid

There are hundreds of websites and “news sites” devoted to such outlandish stories.  It’s a wackateria of false information.  There is a crazy story or conspiracy theory for every subject  You can pick and choose facts that back up any crazy notion you have. Illuminati, with an added helping of Beyonce, running the world?  You can find it.  There is supposedly a largely invisible planet called Nibiru that’s going to destroy the Earth. Need info? Plenty of it out there.  Sen.Ted Cruz’s Dad helped assassinate President Kennedy.   What about President Obama?  Not only was he NOT born in the USA but he’s Muslim!  Go look on online, there’s proof!

birth

I love the Internet.  I’m an introvert so it brings the world right into my home.  I can get all the entertainment and information I need at my fingertips.  I can watch movies, read books, and take classes without leaving the house.  Here I am writing a blog, thanks, Internet!  It’s given anyone with access to a computer a voice.  You can communicate your thoughts to the entire world in an instant. This is fabulous, especially for marginalized people who’s voices are seldom heard.  It’s also given any nut job with a half-ass theory about anything an outlet to put it out in a public forum.  The issue is that we seem to treat all the information on the web as being equal and it’s not.  Everyone has a right to believe what they want and to voice their opinions.  Every opinion is valid.  The problem is that an opinion being valid doesn’t make it true.

shark horse

There are millions of unprovable theories out there presented as facts.  “Fake News”  We’ve all heard the term. We’ve all stumbled down rabbit holes of internet conspiracy theories, ( Do NOT Google Beyonce Illuminati theories )  Most reasonable people see these for what they are.  They understand the difference between some ranting nut job screaming about “Lizard People” (google it!) and an outlet like CNN.  I would like to think that the average American is able to discern between the insane ramblings and real news.  Well…

lizard

One of 45’s favorite things to say any time he’s criticized by the media is that it’s “Fake News”. This happens almost daily as he’s the president and it’s legitimate news when he does shit. Quite often, he does or says stupid shit because he’s an imbecile.He’s an inveterate liar who doesn’t seem to ever think prior to talking. When his dumbass actions are reported he screams “Fake News”.  He sees news outlets as being out to get him because they report on what he does.  Because he is a super smart stable genius it must be a conspiracy by the fake news to make him look bad.  The news Establishment is out to get him.  I mean really…it’s obvious bullshit, right?

ignorant

Remember those times I’ve talked about how gullible and suggestible Americans are?  The internet has not necessarily been a good thing for truth in America.  A lot of people believe what the read on websites.  If they see something that jibes with their worldviews and beliefs they’ll accept it as truth. How many times has someone you know said “I read somewhere…” and then spouted off the craziest shit you’ve ever heard?  You know it happens all the time. When nothing is true, everything is true.  Legitimate news and facts become opinion because nothing is true anymore.  Even if you can prove it people will deny or disbelieve it.  Trump is on tape saying “Grab them by the pussy”.  WE HEARD YOU!  He says now that it’s fake news and he never said that.  In our world of fluid and unstable truths, there are people who believe him. That’s the America we live in now.

accurate

 

 

 

 

 

Little Black Dress

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Rich women wearing black. Symbolic of what exactly?  I get the new focus on sexual harassment and assault.  I’m a woman of the new media and you cannot escape what’s been happening. I saw all the #metoo tweets and read the accounts of Weinstein’s accusers. Suddenly we are all having a conversation about harassment and assault. Hollywood actresses raising money for the legal costs of victims of harassment. That’s admirable and I applaud them for putting their money where their mouths are. We’re suddenly talking about things that have been long hidden, only whispered about in boardrooms and ladies rooms.We’re having a watershed moment. Are we really though?
fun and games
We continue to look at the behavior of men as individual actions.  Bad men doing bad things.  We’re making the assumption that harassers are an aberration.  It’s not.  I am exposed to what could be considered harassing behavior on the part of men EVERY SINGLE DAY. Sexually charged jokes or comments happen near constantly. This isn’t new. This has been true of every place I’ve worked my entire working life. It is common. It’s systemic. Many many women, like myself, find it what we have to put up with to pay our rent. A legal fund is nice but it’s not going to change anything for the majority of us.  This is especially true when you consider only 5% of harassment suits even make it to court.
 no means no
Unless a man does something truly awful, no one cares.We measure harassment in degrees. Anything less than outright groping or blatant threats are ignored.  Women know it’s pointless to even mention it. Unless it considered by the other men in charge as egregious it’s ignored.  It’s a joke.  He doesn’t mean anything by it.  He was raised at a different time. He doesn’t know any better. He’s not going to change.  He thought he was being nice.  It’s a joke. He thought it was funny.  Look, I know funny. I’m fucking hilarious. This shit isn’t funny and I’m pissed that I’m expected to act like it is.
fake laugh
Unless someone whips their dick out at you or grabs your ass nothing’s happening. I have an old guy where I work who constantly “accidentally” brushes up against me when he walks by.  Every fucking time.  It’s an accident (whoopsie!) and he excuses himself when it happens. I can’t prove it’s not unintended.  I could complain but nothing would happen. He said, she said.  Oh and once you complain…you’re a troublemaker.  Suddenly everyone has to be careful around you. You’re a humorless bitch.  You’re trying to “get” this poor guy for an accident. He didn’t mean to and now you’re trying to get him in trouble.  Extra bitch points for me because I’m an obvious lesbian. Manhater!
man hater
I get it.  I get that we’ve all had enough.  We’ve all had enough forever.  I have been working my whole life.  I have seen workplace harassment training evolve over the years.  States have laws against it and mandatory training for managers. Everywhere I’ve worked has “zero tolerance” for sexual harassment. So, things are better now, right?  Not really. As rules and policies became tougher it just made the cost higher for women who report. You had better be very sure if you’re going to report something that’s going to cost a man his job. You are the woman in a workplace who got a well-liked manager fired.  Your life will be Hell. Forget about management retaliation, your peers are going to make your life miserable.  Nobody likes it when the someone rocks the apple cart and the men run all the apple carts.
cool it
Like I said this isn’t new.  It’s suddenly a big deal because it happened to famous people.  Rich mostly white ladies started talking about it.  The women with the most prestige and power were recounting their experiences.  It became a focus because of them.  I’m sorry for anyone who’s a victim of harassment. But for every Gwyneth Paltrow who got hit on by Weinstein, there are millions of women who aren’t as privileged as she who deal with this shit every day and have no recourse. We don’t have money saved in case we lose our jobs or need to leave them.  We have to pay our bills and so many of us are barely getting by as it is.  Doing anything to jeopardize our jobs just isn’t an option. Society needs to change. The misogyny inherent in a patriarchal system needs to change. Nothing is going to change for working-class women or women of color until it does. But thanks for wearing black.

“When Someone Shows You They Are…”

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“believe them the first time.” – Maya Angelou

Fire and The Fury a new book about our national disgrace Donald Trump is selling like hotcakes.  Oh, the headlines!  Oh, the shocking facts revealed!  Every magazine and website touting it’s “bombshell” claims. “Click here to read the 10 biggest shockers from the explosive new book!”  Supposedly, this bestseller is full of “insider” information about 45 and his administration.  People are shocked and amazed by the revelations. Really? Really?  Reeeaaallllllyyyyy?  Let’s look at a couple of these new and shocking facts.

fire and fury

Donald Trump is an idiot.  His underlings make comments and talk openly about his lack of intellect. There have been numerous leaks mentioning this.  He’s semi-literate at best and spends hours and hours watching television.  His briefings have to be given to him verbally as he can’t focus long enough to read anything written. The grammar he uses in his speeches sits at slightly below the 6th-grade level. He’s a moron. He always has been, just listen to any speech he’s ever made. This is not new information.  I don’t need to buy a book to learn that Donald Trump is an imbecile.  I have Twitter.

collusion

Ivanka is more like his wife than daughter

“Melania Trump often keeping a low profile, White House staffers refer to first daughter Ivanka Trump as her father’s ‘real wife”  Wish I could say I’m surprised about this one. Is anyone? We’ve all been skeeved the fuck out by 45’s weird obsession with his daughter. Yes, yes…they’re very close, she’s his closest adviser, blah blah.  Look, my Dad loves me and has never once commented on my tits or how sexy I am. (and I am!) How many jokes are out there about this? They are endless. Again, nothing new here.

gross daughter

His Weird Ass Hair

Quell surprise!!  He’s covering up a bald spot. WHO KNEW?? I had no fucking idea. This information alone is worth the cost of the book!

hair

He Didn’t Want To Be President

He and his entire team didn’t think he would win. ( Join the club, folks ) He was as shocked at the outcome as the rest of us. The Trump Team, like most of us, underestimated the teeth numbing racist stupidity of the American populace. Add a huge heaping scoop of entrenched misogyny and you get the most improbable presidential result ever. ” Trump reassured Melania that he would not win the election. On election night, when it became clear that he would win, “Melania was in tears—and not of joy.”  Oh, Honey, you were not alone.

melania

So, nothing to see here…keep it moving, folks.  We don’t need a book pointing out how awful Donald Trump is.  We have years and years of his own comments and actions that have made this abundantly clear.  What’s disturbing to me about this book is its tabloid forced shockingness (look, I made a word!)  It’s like a large frame “In Touch Weekly” article. It’s advertised as a shocking bombshell expose full of titillation and scandal!  It’s being packaged as entertainment. That’s what makes me itch. It’s focusing on the president of the United States as a media figure rather than a politician.   We’re viewing Trump through the lens of celebrity.  It gives him a leeway and acceptability he would not have if we were holding him to the standards of other elected officials.  We’ve let him off the hook because he’s that famous guy from the TV.  “Fire and the Fury” does nothing to change that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Living Alone

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I live alone and for the most part, I enjoy it.  My job has me interacting with the public as well as managing people so I really love being able to come home and unplug from all of that.  I’m very quiet and introspective so the solitude and calmness suit me. I’m also very aware of the privilege I have afforded me a lifestyle where I can live by myself. I’m lucky in that regard.  I can live with people happily (sort of, I do need alone time) when I’m in a relationship.  Having roommates or living with family though,  I don’t think I could do.

leave-me-alone-ol5c9p

As I get older I’m seeing how age makes that more difficult.  My knees make it hard for me to carry anything heavy upstairs.  I can do it but I’m glad no one is watching as I have to sort of push it up awkwardly.  A large snow storm becomes an event just do dig out. If it’s not too bad I just drive over it (Thanks, Subaru!) and let it melt eventually. It takes much longer to shovel and there are more rest breaks involved.  This is when having another person would be nice.  Just having help is something I miss sometimes.

snow

That was really something I struggled with when I had my heart attack.  I had multiple clots in my lungs and just walking to the bathroom left me out of breath.  I couldn’t do much of anything.  Anything I did had to be done slooooowwwwwlllyyy.  It was a hard lesson in patience.  It was also one of the few times where I was helpless.  I could do the basics to keep myself alive but that was about it.  I just sat in my recliner for almost a month until I got strong enough to sort of function.  That was a hard time to be alone. I had a lot of time to look at why I was alone and the choices I’ve made that led me there.  It was a horrible time and it was a blessing too.  It forced me to take a really deep look at myself.  I started to work with the darker aspects of my past and personality that I’d been hiding for so long.  It’s work I’m still doing.

alone

I’m healthy for the most part now and can function quite well alone.  I’m still working on things I’ve long hidden.  A dear friend calls it “shadow work” and that is an apt description.  The things we deny and don’t want to see.  The unspeakable. The purposely forgotten.  I read a quote that said “Who would you be without trauma? How much of you was created out of survival?” My time alone had given me the emotional space to grapple with these questions and how they relate to who I am.   I could not do this without this time. I have so much left still to do.  I’m blessed and lucky to be alone and be able to do this.

quote-one-does-not-become-enlightened-by-imagining-figures-of-light-but-by-making-the-darkness-carl-jung-34-88-43

Why So Cranky?

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Aren’t Buddhists supposed to all mellow and calm?  Well, sort of.  One of the things I’m trying to become is less reactive. I don’t think anyone is even completely mellow but you can train yourself not to react without thinking about your reaction first.  That’s what I’m working on. I’m not going to lie though…it’s haaaaaaaarrrrddd.  I’m am by nature somewhat mercurial. I have a pretty quick temper but I never stay angry for very long.   I also struggle with patience.  I struggle with that one a lot.  I’m able to breathe through it but it’s not a feeling I’m exactly comfortable with.

give me the

So much I still need to work on.  I’m getting better at being a witness to my emotions instead of letting them control me.  Letting them go after I’ve sat with them for a bit is also getting easier.  My general day to day experience is a pretty happy one.  My life is good for the most part.  I’m very lucky.  I have people who love me, whom I love back.   My material needs are met.  I don’t want for any necessities. I’m healthy.  So why am I such a crankypants?

cranky-meme-59d30c9fa9dcd

I’m cranky because I’m disappointed. The world makes me angry sometimes. The first noble truth is that you suffer. Generally, you suffer because you want or desire something.  Your ego or self creates conditions where it feels it can be happy…so, of course, you want those. I don’t know if I suffer because of anything I want. I’m distressed because the world has so much suffering and negativity in it. I’m cranky because I want it to be better for everyone.  I want people I love to not be treated differently than me because they’re a different race.  I’m mad that racists and bigots in this country suddenly feel they have a voice in society.  I’m upset that people I considered good people hold views that are prejudiced. I’m feeling defeated because hundreds of African Americans have died at the hands of police and nothing is done.  We live in a world where a simple phrase like “Black Lives Matter” is controversial. I don’t know how to change any of this. I don’t know how to make it easier for people of color.  I want it to be better.  I want US to be better. For fuck’s sake, let’s be better.

tiki

So, I don’t have any answers.  I do my best to challenge and educate other white people on their bullshit.  I’m not here for their racist assholery and am vocal about my disgust. I don’t know what else I can do. I’ve tried to explain white privilege to people but I might as well be talking in Mandarin. People either don’t understand or don’t want to see it. Our entire society is built on racism. Our entire culture is based on white supremacy and is self-perpetuating. There’s nothing I can do to change it. The world I want is so very different from the one we have. It breaks my heart.  It makes me cranky.

 

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

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But is doesn’t mean climate change isn’t real.

We’re about to get with a “Bomb Cyclone” here on the US East Coast.  I’ve lived here for almost 20 years, and I have never heard this weather term before.  Nor’Easters are relatively common but I guess this one is different.  This is basically a frozen hurricane with super heavy winds.  And snow. Lots of snow. Did I mention the winds? And snow. So, go get your eggs and milk now!

milk and eggs

Besides grocery store stampeders bad winter weather also brings out another type of seasonal idiot.  The “I guess there’s no global warming because it’s snowing” imbecile.  I think anyone who says that aloud should be legally made to say “durr durr durr” after the phrase.  It’s like saying gravity doesn’t exist because birds can fly.  Climate and weather are two different things.  Florida has a subtropical climate.  It can sometimes freeze in Florida. One is not the other. Most semi educated people understand this.

hoax

I live in Trump country, even though I’m in New England which are blue states for the most part.  I live in a little pocket of red in a sea of blue.  My town voted for Trump by almost 80%.  It’s an almost entirely white former mill town that’s seen better days.  I lived in Arkansas for 4 years in the 90’s.  The racism and aggressive ignorance is just as strong among the people in this town as in the South.  Quite a few of these “Nutmeggers” are really proud  of being rednecks.  It’s town of big manly trucks spewing black smoke purposely (coal rolling) and swagger that has no basis in reality.  “All hat and no cattle” as my Mom would have said.

penis works

I’m working tomorrow.  I am going to hear “I sure wish we really had global warming!” all day from the yokelry.  I’ll try to gently correct people and it won’t make a bit of difference.   Science isn’t proof to these people. 99% of climate scientists saying climate change is real doesn’t matter. I’ve mentioned in other posts that Americans are very very suggestible.  Oil and energy companies have spent BILLIONS trying to debunk and counteract the very real issues climate scientists have pretty much proven at this point.  They’ve sown doubt in Americans regarding global warming, only 48% believe climate change is caused by human behavior.   They would rather believe it’s a Chinese hoax than agree with a scientist.  They are aggressively stupid.

jokes

It’s only going to get worse. If you have been paying attention you’ve seen the changes play out. I”m from California and wildfires have always been a fact of life there. The fires they have now are NOTHING like what they’ve had historically.  The fires are much bigger and the fire season never ends.  The weather is more extreme. The super cold weather we’ve been having is related to climate change. Yes, global warming can make it colder in some areas!  Its going to be interesting to see how the climate deniers try to cling to their obviously wrong views as things get progressively worse.  Of course, it won’t be an issue as long as we have a few cold days.  Durr, durr, durr.hold my beer

 

Unpopular Opinions Strongly Held

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My Mother always said, “Opinions are like noses, everybody has one.”  (Except she didn’t say noses)  Being a fairly boring person not subject to any extremes I don’t a lot of pushback about mine.  Every now and then, however, I have opinions that seem to just make people lose their minds.  I don’t know what it is about these subjects but people are eager…no, compelled to try to change my mind.  These are the current ones that seem to be upsetting folks the most.

Bon Jovi is a Terrible Band

They always have been.  Just awful.  Every single song is crap.  I didn’t like them when they first came out.  C’mon, the only people who were really into them back then were girls who thought they were cute.  They also became famous when a lot of other rock bands did and they’ve somehow managed to outlive them. Rock bands that had an edge, who were dangerous.(Motley Crue, Guns and Roses, anyone but Bon Jovi) There was nothing remotely dangerous about Bon Jovi.  They were the non-threatening boy band of 80’s rock.

non

Plus, their music is awful.  Predictable pseudo working class pop.  Docks and unions on strike…blah blah.  “On a steel horse, I ride”  Every song a sad cliche.  A pale imitation of something someone else did better.  Garbage…just cringingly bad. But, for some reason, they’re in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Fucking Bon Jovi. It’s everything wrong with America. I’d rather listen to Nickelback.

Seafood is Gross. Yes, Even Lobster and Shrimp

Who cares what foods I like?  I don’t care what you eat.  None of my business…eat whatever you want.  What you eat is a highly personal thing.  I don’t judge.  The following exchange occurs anytime I mention my dislike of fish/fishy type critters.

blobfish

“I don’t like seafood”

“Are you allergic?”

“No, it’s just gross.”

“What about tuna?’

“No, that’s a fish. I don’t care for any seafood”

“What about lobster?”

No, I don’t like lobster. I dislike all seafood.”

“You don’t like lobster?!?!  What about shrimp?”

“No, I don’t like any seafood”

“You should try shrimp though, it’s really good.”

“I’m 52 years old.  I’m not a picky toddler. I’ve tried every type of seafood. It’s all disgusting and I hate it.”

“You eat tuna though, right?”

 

I Don’t Like Babies

I don’t have children, nor did I ever want any.  Maternal instinct?  Not a whit.  That weird noise women make when they see a baby?  I have never made that noise. Don’t get me wrong. I have nothing personal against babies, it’s not like I hate them or anything.  I just don’t care for them.  I don’t want to hold your baby.  Frankly, I’m a little put out you make me look at your baby.  Yeah, I know you made it and you’re proud.  Do I make you look at pictures of every sandwich I make?

babiesThe assumption is that since I’m a woman I’m interested in babies. Babies and children are what we’re all about, right ladies?   Not me.  Here’s why. Little babies don’t do anything.  They cry, sleep, eat, and poop. Sometimes for variety, they throw up.  I once saw a tiny tiny baby projectile vomit like a foot and a half.  I was ready to call the church.  Oh, and that much vaunted delightful baby smell? Yeah, no.  Sure on the surface, they smell all powder fresh and clean.  But, no matter how fresh out of the bath there is always a faint undertone of spit up and poop.  It’s a like a teenage boys feet…you never fully get the smell out no matter how much you scrub.

stinky_tshirt-p2358482059755585173mvh_400

This is heresy.  I get horrified looks from other women if I mention this.  HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE BABIES???  I’m a monster, obviously.  Ladies feel free to love your babies. Love all the babies, have as many as your womb can handle.  My not liking them or wanting any has no bearing…well, on your bearing.  I don’t want any. You can have my share of motherhood. Oh, you can have my shrimp too.

 

Abhaya Wish

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You’re not going to have a Happy New Year. I’ll wish you one, but that’s not how life works.   Our year will be a mix of happy and sad, as it always is.  Most of us will have a mixed bag kind of year, hell most of us have a mixed bag kind of life.  We expect to be happy.   We yearn to be happy.  We act like sorrowful times are an aberration. Bad times are an exception to what should be our easy blissful existence.  We impatiently suffer through rough patches and try to move back to happiness as quickly as possible.  We need to rid ourselves of whatever has happened to make our lives less than perfect.  We want no shade with our sunshine. I”m sorry it’s not going to happen. It’s never going to happen.

rainclod

We’re human.  Our emotions and situations are always changing.  Your life is as variable and unpredictable as the weather.  It’s human nature to want stability and comfort.  I understand that.  I’ve also learned that the ground under our feet is not solid.  It can shift under us at any time.  Our perceptions and hopes can be shaken.  Sometimes it’s a minor quake easy to withstand.  Sometimes it shakes us down to our very foundations.  Every once in a while our foundation crumbles.  Everything in your life can change in an instant.  Everything you’ve built can be gone.  This what we fear.

world changes you

So I wish you abhaya for the New Year.  Abhaya means fearlessness in Sanskrit.   Does this mean that no matter what happens to you you’ll be unafraid?  Will you laugh at adversity?  No.  Being fearless won’t stop anything awful from happening to you.  Be fearless in facing life, because whatever it is it’s not permanent.   The most horrible things may seem like they last forever but they don’t.  Good and bad, joy and sorrow can swap places at anytime.  Years that have the most misery can hold the most beauty. Everything that’s destroyed can be built again. Sometimes your new foundations are far stronger than the previous ones. Be open to both.  Have no expectations for your experiences.  Be fearless in your acceptance of your life.

changes

Wow, ain’t I cheerful?  This all sounds very gloomy and pessimistic at first blush, doesn’t it?  I’ve had some pretty awful and scary things happen to me.  I get up every morning delighted to be alive.  Whatever happens in my day I’m going to feel it.  The highs and lows it’s all my life.  I know I am loved and there is nothing I can’t handle.  I do my best to breathe through any pain or anger I may feel.  I savor and acknowledge the beauty and joy.  I try my very best to be completely present. I am so not perfect though.  I get triggered and reactive. Sometimes I get so cranky I could punch a nun.  I take some deep breaths and remember I’m human.  It’s ok.  Good and bad…it’s all good. Every day is a gift.  There’s nothing to fear.

that's ok