Yes and no. You’ve heard that phrase.  Hell, I say it all the time. I absolutely think it’s true.  I also absolutely think most people who use it are using it incorrectly.  Very judgy of non-judgy me, so let me explain.  Most of us drop that little philosophical pearl when not so good things happen to people.  Sort, of a variation of “God’s Will”, it’s said when bad things happen.  When you think about it, it’s really sort of a shitty thing to say at those times.  Something terrible has befallen you. You’re in shock or grief-stricken. Maybe scared or unsure how you can even go on.  You haven’t even begun to process your feelings, but no, here’s some smug asshole telling you everything happens for a reason.

Does everything happen for a reason? Yes, and sometimes that reason is to bring you pain.  The reason is that no one’s life is perfect and every single one of us will suffer at some point.  I know, I know…why do I always have to bring this depressing shit up?  God CB, can’t you just let me be happy?  Sure…go be happy.  Let me know how all that nonstop happiness is working for you.  I know people who say they are happy all the time. That’s a lovely place to be.  I also know these people are in total denial of their negative feelings.  It’s the “Think yourself happy” school of thought.  If I just push away any bad thoughts…I’ll have only happy ones.  Bingo!  I am happy all the time!  How do I know this?  I used to be a “happy all the time person”.

I wish I could tell you that works.  Pain and suffering are a part of life. It’s a Noble Truth and all that.  We all have it.  We can try and try to make our lives as perfect as we can.  We can set up everything as carefully as possible to make positive outcomes.  We can curate our lives and our emotions and create an oasis of positivity in this hard-hearted world.  You’re still going to have pain. Whether you inadvertently create it yourself or it spills over from someone else life, you’ll suffer.  The trick is to not push it away. You cannot deny your suffering.

It’s ok to be sad. It’s ok to be angry. Life is full of disappointing moments.  Sometimes every day is full of those moments.  It’s what you do with all those negative emotions that’s key.  Let’s look at this a different way.  If you had a sharp pain in your chest you’d see a doctor.  If you had a nagging ache in your arm…you’d get medical attention.  Physical pains are symptoms that something is wrong with your body. There is something not working correctly that needs to be addressed. Once it is, it can be healed, or at least treated.  Emotional pain is the same thing. It’s a symptom of something deeper that needs to be addressed.

So maybe you never go to the doctor. Maybe you think you know what’s wrong, maybe you already know. Maybe you don’t want to know. You make your choice whether to treat what’s wrong. You decide if you really want to know or live in denial.  My mother died of a cancer she had self-diagnosed as “allergies”.  Whether she was unaware, or secretly knew and didn’t want to admit, who knows?  She made the decision to not treat her symptoms for too long.  We all have that choice to make when our symptoms appear.  Whether physical or emotional pain, it’s a symptom of a bigger problem we need to heal. We all decide whether we want to “know” and deal with it.

So. My point?  That pain is a message to take a deeper look. Dig deeper to find the root. The surface emotion is just the symptom of the core issue.  Every time you have an emotionally troubling or negative experience it’s an invitation to heal.  It’s giving you an opportunity to glimpse at the mechanisms of your suffering.  Your anguish over anything is your reaction. How you handle your bad feelings was something you learned.  You can learn how to react differently.  First, you have to be brave enough to look at the “why”.  Healing is often hard and painful in an of itself but worth the effort.  Every painful and horrible experience we have gives us the chance to heal if we can be brave enough to take it. Everything happens for a reason, whether you ignore it is up to you. Trust you’re strong enough to heal. You are.